The other day, a long lost friend called me and made an interesting observation: That in your 20s, something significant always happens that changes your life. And I thought, not just the 20s, but each decade in your life, something good and something bad will happen. And whatever it is, it significantly changes your world view, for better or worse.
But when these things happen, what is the universe trying to tell you? Can instincts be wrong? Can all fears be unfounded? Can all fears be whittled down to our insecurities? Another friend says, fears are embedded in certain inescapable facts.
Some of the worst things that happen to our lives are things we never signed up for. A woman who walks in on her husband sleeping with the maid hardly signed for that. A woman faced with hostile in-laws hardly signed for that. A man frustrated at his place of work by some insecure boss never signed for that. A child with an absentee dad never signed for that.
Mary Schmich, the famous Chicago Tribune columnist once said, on her "Wear the Sunscreen" speech,
"The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday."
That line has stuck with me for a long time.
Often, we get ourselves in strange situations that we have neither the mental nor the physical resources to deal with. Often we turn to God. But sometimes, God does not offer easy or immediate solutions. It leaves you helpless. It is easy to turn to alcoholism. Or anything to escape the ugly reality that confronts us daily. Yet there are no easy answers.
Sometimes, you have to deal with each moments as it comes, maybe, take to stoicism, and bet on time to solve some of the world's puzzles.
But whatever event it is, death, divorce, bankruptcy, a life-threatening illness, it definitely reminds how vulnerable we are as human beings. How we know nothing about life.
Now, there is a cliché that things get better with time. Commonly, they don't. Like a woman who marries a serial adulterer, staying in a relationship hoping the man will change, is setting up herself to a life of permanent ulcers. Ditto men.
Sometimes, things get worse, and it is OK to acknowledge this. We should stop lying to people that things get better with time. If someone is terminally ill, it is OK to tell them to make peace with God as opposed to empty promises.
In the end, there will be good and bad times in life. Be prepared for both.
And lastly, life is not a perfect paradise. Sometimes, what we want is not what we get. It is a like food in a restaurant, sometimes you see such nice food on the menu but when it is served you wonder what the hell.
Whether it is a good job you want, perfect car, perfect life, perfect body size, whatever, just know very few people get exactly what they sign for. The rest of us, have to make do with make do with makeshift options, regardless of what best-selling motivational books say.
And here is the thing. It is OK to have your potbelly. It is OK to drive a Toyota, even if your heart hankers after a Mercedes. It is OK to live in Buru But, even if you feel like you deserve in Kileleshwa.
You are not settling for less. You are not. Sometimes, life is just mediocre. Ever heard of a man who jogs every day, is vegetarian, but still caught cancer? Or was ran over by a car. It happens.
Because, sometimes, the universe indifferent.
Happy week folks.

BY Silas Nyanchwani.

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