Of modern women feigning headaches to deny their husbands SEX, TED MALANDA’s masterpiece.


This is the funniest thing you will read this April.

In my grandma's time, the women didn't feign headaches. With a string of co-wives to compete, dry spell was wilder than a Mt Kenya bush fire given that our grandfathers would sometimes take a year before doing okhulambula aka inspecting the shamba.

Besides, those old crooks probably had a clause hidden in the tribal constitution fining clans whose daughters feigned headaches. And they were violent.

Enter our mothers. They were cooler on hygiene. They vaccinated us. Treated us for malaria. Dewormed us. It means they gave birth to army of kids who didn't die. Then they had jobs. 

And cooking and all that. Bottom line? They were dead tired most of the time dealing with a household of hungry, dirty and noisy kids. But because they had barred our sumbua dads from marrying other women, they had to feign headaches to survive. Chaos.

Now our women.... They have Mama Nguo. Miss Mboch. Washing machine. Dish washer. And two clean kids. They read vastlly on the sexuality of their bodies and want to scale the peaks of Mt Kilimanjaro every time. Also, they have this mysterious spot they want their clueless men to Google up. They don't do shamba and the kids are too busy watching TV to bother them. In short, they have all the time to vibrate with faya.

Now, guess who is the perpetually tired party feigning headaches!

By Ted Malanda

  1. Hahaha.... no wonder homosexuality is rife in this age. Next ni ma dolly robots. No hassles there.

  2. Aptly put; boy child utajua hujui. Don't dare ask why 'your' son resembles her colleague.

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