Friday, September 21, 2018 - After President Uhuru signed the Finance Bill 2018 into law, Kenyans will not only tighten their belts but must dig deep to put food on the table.
This calls for drastic changes and desperate measures to survive.

Some creative Kenyan has come up with these tips (austerity measures) to survive Uhuru’s taxes.

1. Don’t send withdrawal fee henceforth on top of money you send to others via M-PESA.

2). Carry food to work. Increase your dinner so as to spare some for lunch. This you do by adding more water and salt in the stew and eating less ugali (salt is not overtaxed). If you’re not full with less ugali, take three glasses of water and rush to bed.

3). Switch off lights in your living room. Use the TV screen light instead.

4). Instead of going out for some mbuzi and a drink, stay indoors and play with your kids or read a book. Wind the clock and spare your coins for a rainy day.

5). Enroll your car for Uber or taxify cab services. It’s a luxurious liability under the new taxation.

6). Avoid visiting your in laws. If you were heading for dowry payment, postpone immediately until further notice. Hopefully, you’ll win a jackpot and settle it soonest.

7). Relocate to areas like Maroroi and King’eero. Trust me, they’re not as bad as their namessound. Rent is cheaper and cribs have kitchen gardens where you can brood quails or open a kibanda to sell sugar cane.

8). Convert your broke moments into fasting times as you face them. Man shall not live on bread alone remember?

9). Shower in twos to minimize the water bill. The children can shower even three of them at a go.

10). Home school your children. All you need is send them to church on Saturdays and Sundays for CRE. Hire a Coastal househelp to teach them Kiswahili.

Come home early and give them Maths lessons. Let them watch CNN and BBC to develop their English.

Bring them Old Newspapers to help. Social Studies they can learn from interacting with their society.

Let’s complete the journey with Uhuru.


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