Man writes hilarious letter to Safaricom claiming his wife hacked his phone and beat him senseless.

...used her phone to get my PUK with my ID number. She replaced the line, placed it in her phone and retreated to an undisclosed location, just like Maraga and the other Supreme Court judges after hearing the oral submissions. She switched off her phone, just like them too. I suppose she was examining evidence and coming up with a judgment, or probably my server was being hacked.

Yesterday, dear Safaricom, my wife came back home. She was armed with thousands of pages of evidence and her final verdict.

She didn’t give me a chance to express myself and give my side of the story. She pounced on me and clobbered me thoroughly. She violently broke every breakable thing in our house, including the bed. My two front teeth were floored. Eventually, she fled.

With utmost honesty, I don’t want her back. Neither do I need any form of alimony. She isn’t as dear to me as you, dear Safaricom. Which is why I come to you. However, I am not here to ask anything from you, dear Safaricom.


The other day I called your customer care and I was connected to a melodious lady called Sharon. I am here to say hello to her and thank her for helping me. Also, I want to buy her some coffee and tell her how much I love Safaricom. I will affirm to her that here in Kakamega, Twaweza. And that maybe me and her Twawezana. Alone hawezi. I will show her off to my grandfather, who will not forget to tell her to always disregard any words that come before the word “But” for they are always mere lies, irrelevant and insincere hullabaloo


Dear Safaricom, is Sharon there?”


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